Monthly Archives: May 2011

The Downside of Up

Mania, or in my case probably more appropriately hypomania, is full of excitement, energy, and the drive to do. Hyperbolic dreams zip into my mind then just as quickly as the enter, they seem to leave, only to be replaced by another grandiose idea. Mania is fun, exciting, seemingly brand new every time I enter into it. The high is unlike any euphoria I have yet to experience.

However…

You guessed it. There is a downside to mania. Every once in a while, I will catch myself.

“You’re thinking is too fast, Edd. You’re on the rollercoaster, and whenever you go up, you inevitably come down,” I say to myself.

“Oh well, can’t help it! Might as well enjoy the ride, right!!?? Have fun while it lasts, Buddy Boy! Live for today! Let tomorrow take care of itself. Carpe Diem, Man! Carpe fuckin’ Diem, Dude!!”

Soon, it will happen. I’m pretty sure I’m what is called a rapid-cycler. My cycles last between a few days to about a week. I’m on an “up” right now. Just started yesterday afternoon. The depressive cycle will kick in soon & I will be back to my reticent, slowed down self.

Guess it’s time for a med adjustment. Will have to wait until June 8, since my new psychiatrist is having surgery soon and will be indisposed of until then.

But hey!! I’m still up! Carpe fuckin’ Diem, right?!

[Meds will help, I promise.]  🙂

As of March 24, 2011, that’s my world. I hope yours is equally as wonderful.  😉

Take care and best wishes…

eb

A Question For You

For those who have some form of schizophrenia:

What issues/challenges do you face? How do you deal with those challenges?

For caregivers (including friends, family members, psychiatric nurses, psychotherapists, and psychiatrists):

Do you know someone who has some form of sz? What are some of the challenges s/he faces? How does that person deal with those challenges? Also, what challenges as caregivers do you face? How do you deal with those challenges? Has anything you have tried helped the person you care for?

Please, unless you have permission directly from the person you are going to discuss, keep the information about them anonymous.

Thanks…

eb

Just Off The Presses!!

Hello, All! Thought I would quickly share with you that I have already received a reply from one of the literary agents to whom I submitted a query. Rejected.

A few of my initial thoughts when I read that e-mail a little over an hour ago:

  1. Okay, I got my first rejection! Congratulations to me! There will be other opportunities.
  2. Okay, I got my first rejection. What if I really do suck at writing? You’re being a bit too hard on yourself. Tone down the negativity.
  3. But, I can’t. I’m fairly good at two things: writing and mathematics. What if my writing career doesn’t amount to snot? How am I going to live the style of life I want to live (i.e. not in a mission for the remainder of my time)? How? How? How???
  4. Okay, I got my first rejection! Congratulations to me! There will be other opportunities.

As of 3:35 PM CDT on May 20, 2011, that’s my world. I hope yours is equally as wonderful.  😉

Take care and best wishes…

eb

Mission Life – Food, Glorious Food!!

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to write about what life was like at the mission, so I have decided to devote this post to something most people enjoy: FOOD!!!   🙂

For a homeless shelter, the food at HSHM is outstanding. Lunch is by far the best meal of the day. A well-stocked salad bar can be found near the rear of the mess hall. The greens are fresh, the condiments (green & black olives, sliced banana peppers & jalapenos, sometimes mushrooms, onions, cherry tomatoes, croutons, etc.) are of outstanding quality, the kind of fare that would be found at a mid-scale dine-in restaurant.

Additionally, meat and pasta are served at lunchtime. Meals have ranged from burritos – with the choice of beef, steak, or chicken – to meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans to hamburgers and french fries. Really, lunch is pretty damn good.

Breakfast is sparse. Today, as with most days, there were a lot of pastries and some bananas…along with coffee. Pastries every day for breakfast may sound like a good idea; however, all of that sugar gets old after awhile. And, since I am lactose-intolerant, the cereal isn’t that appealing to me. Every once in awhile, sausage and eggs are served (probably to the tune of once a week), so that’s a welcome menu change.

For supper, soup and sandwiches are the norm. No salad bar. Yesterday evening, we had our choice of egg salad or chicken salad sandwiches and some sort of beef soup. That’s usually how it is. I chose a chicken salad and a scoop of beef soup. Was pretty good! Besides, who am I to complain?  😉

So, this food critic would give HSHM an A-. Compared to other shelters of which I have had the esteemed honor and privilege of being a guest, this is the creme de la creme, the Ritz-Carlton of homeless shelters. Breakfasts could be tweaked a bit, but really that’s not a big deal. More variety for suppers could be had, but again, this is very minor. With excellent cuisine of outstanding quality, HSHM is top-notch, definitely the place to be when it comes to nutritional sustenance!

Almost forgot…coffee is served at every meal! Perhaps, HSHM deserves an A. Let me eat more of their delicious food and I’ll get back to you on that one!

As of May 20, 2011, that’s my world.  I hope yours is equally as wonderful. 😉

Take care and best wishes…

eb

A Tale of Two Poems

I called my daughter yesterday. Much to my surprise, she had written a one-stanza poem that she wanted to share with me. And, I’d like to share it with you:

The Christmas tree is green
The snow is white
If this is a special holiday
Shouldn't we be polite?

Abbey is now 5-years-old. Being away from her is the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with…even tougher than pre-treatment paranoid schizophrenia. I promised her I would write her a poem back, so here it goes:

She's my sweet, little child
And she's no morning rooster
Sometimes she's a stinkerbutt
But, she'll always be my "Brewster"
To look like a big girl
She had someone cut her hair
But, when she smiles at me
She's still my little "Bear"

As anyone who has gone through a divorce knows, it ain’t easy…especially when there are children involved. Sometimes, however, some good does come out of it. I’m more at peace; my ex-wife is more at peace; and in the long run, although we don’t see eye-to-eye on how Abbey should be raised, Abbey will be raised in a less stressful household. And, I believe above all else that will help her more than any particular ideology which may have been forced upon her.

My ex had initially told Abbey that the reason I was gone was that I had to leave for work reasons. When I saw Abbey and Angela (my ex) last month, I told Angela that I thought we should tell her the truth, so I did. Much to my surprise, as Daddy was explaining to her what a brain disease is and that this was the reason for Daddy not being around, Abbey took it in stride. She knew the brain was in your head. Explaining to her what the term “disease” meant took a bit of effort, but she caught on pretty quickly.

I finished by telling her that Daddy was moving to Bloomington, because that is where his support was, and at the end of our discussion, while I needed several Kleenexes, she was matter-of-fact about the whole thing…until it was time to leave. She didn’t break down, but she didn’t want me to leave. That was difficult, as she clung to me tightly.

One thing is for certain: Although for the time being, I am where I need to be, I will be as much a part of Abbey’s life as I possibly can. And, I will always love my little Brewster Bear.

As of May 17, 2011, that’s my world. I hope yours is equally as wonderful.  😉

Take care and best wishes…

eb

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