Most of my relationships have ended badly: hurt egos, hurt hearts, hurt feelings. I tend to jump from relationship to relationship; I was 23-years-old the last time someone broke up with me. [I turn 49 in October.] Still, there was nothing special about her, nothing that said to me: “Self, you have got to have her. She is the one.”
I’ve been in seven relationships since then. I’ve never cheated, but I have grown bored or tired of being nagged or exhausted from being yelled at. I’ve never cheated but I understand now why someone would (regardless of gender).
How does this tie into my schizophrenia? Or does it? Am I the product of parents whose marriage was one of control and submission? Am I the product of one relationship to which I devoted everything I could? Does my mental condition predispose me to seek variety rather than stability? Or is variety my stability?
I’ll begin by saying that I don’t sleep around. If I’m not in a committed relationship, chances are I won’t have sex with someone. [I’ve never had a one-night stand.] I need some sort of bond but a link is not always love.
I’ll end this post there. Have any of you experienced similar thoughts, feelings, or behaviors? If so and if you feel like it, I would be happy to hear about your experiences. As for my experiences, I will devote more to this theme soon.
Hope you are having a good week.